Wow...what a weekend....yet another weekend that made me realize life is too short to get caught up on insignificant stuff....

Someone who was basically a brother to one of my best friends was murdered last week and they found the body sometime this weekend, in Mexico. Life is just so sad sometimes, it made me start crying. But then it made me realize how short life is, I think he was less than 25...that is too young to be out of this world...Lord knows how many people are wishing they could have had one more day to tell him something, or remind him that they loved him, or reestablish contact with him. It just made me realize that there are people in my life I have fallen out of touch with, that I would like to get back IN touch with...there are people who are upset with me for losing touch with them, and people who probably just don't care to talk to me anymore... but I would like to try to reestablish those strong bonds that I felt with people, the people I had great conversations with, and the people that...I dunno where I am going with this other than I have realized (again) how short life is, and I'm trying to keep that in my mind from now on. But I have also realized that some of y'all don't really know why I have dropped off the face of the planet lately (and I know some of you are thinking it has something to do with a certain boy) Sure, he has taken up a good bit of my time from the time we started seeing each other, but ever since July or August, the main reason I have started going back in my shell is I am going through depression again....and not just a little one...I am talkin the kind I went through that made me talk to only 2 of my friends and my family for almost an entire year. Some of you aren't going to read this entry period, some of you are gonna read and say suck it up...but my hope is that some of you will read this and maybe understand what I have been going through and fighting for the past 3 or 4 months. It has gotten to the point where I am having  breakdowns for no reason at all and just crying for almost an hour and I don't even know why. Now I bet some of you are thinking I am being selfish, you can take this entry and my behavior lately however you wish, I just want to let everyone know what is going on and let you know that I probably won't be calling each and every one of you to let you know this, it was hard enough to admit this to myself....I really don't know what to put in this entry other than...LIFE IS TOO SHORT! So maybe I didn't talk to you for 2 months...you know what? Its not the end of the world, I know I have gone 2 months without most of YOU contacting ME but I didn't make a huge deal out of it, in fact in most cases when I lose touch with someone I take the blame and apologize. Well you know what? I am through doing that....friendships are a two way street...if YOU aren't trying to contact ME when I am not contacting YOU....who is to blame? I would say both of us, why I take the brunt of a lot of things I don't know. And no this post isn't directed at anyone particular, because I don't want to piss anyone off and I really would like to spend time with people over the holidays that i haven't seen in ages. Right now I am just venting and letting people know how I feel, which I guess is kind of the point of Xanga. In anycase, I am not upset with anyone, I am just frustrated that when I lose touch with a friend (for WHATEVER reason) and I try to reestablish it....I get shot down, or I get someone upset with me because I wasn't there for them or I didn't call them...well hey...were you there for me? did you call me? TWO WAY STREET

May I just say I hate this part of life...where you have to figure out who you are going to be talking to for the rest of your life, and who (out of the people that you lose contact with) you don't really want to talk to anymore...which friendships do I hold on to and which ones do I let go? And why can't everyone be happy and let the little things slide?? I didn't talk to one of my best friends for about 6 months...guess what? I was still invited to the wedding...she didn't hold it against me because she didn't talk to me for 6 months either. *shrugs* One thing I know for sure...life is too damn short, we could be out of this world tomorrow and I don't want any regrets. Also 10 years down the road is it going to matter that we didn't talk for 6 months? Okay I am through...its off my chest...I have said how I feel, if for some reason this entry upsets you, well I don't know what to say because that was not the intent.

I hope that everyone has a GREAT Thanksgiving!!!! Don't forget to have a good time and eat lots of pie and just enjoy the company of those around you for crying out loud, you don't know who is still going to be on this Earth next Thanksgiving, so why spend this one being upset? I really hope to stay in touch with all of you that read this, but if you don't want to stay in touch with me, well, who am I to tell you what to do? Also if I drop off the face of the planet until sometime next year, know that i am working on my depression and probably seeking professional help which I dont' see how i can be faulted for that. Anywho...HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!!! Eat lots of turkey and pie DRIVE SAFE!

Love y'all
Tam

I'm through with it all...no this isn't one of those you have to worry about me posts. This is just me saying I am fed up with EVERYTHING, not everyONE just everyTHING. ARGH, and you know what...if I haven't talked to you in a while, I still love you and want to talk to you, but I am busy right now and figuring out a hell of a lot of things in my life...so please, give me my space and don't be offended. I gave you your space when you needed it and backed off when you didn't want to talk (no this is NOT directed at any certain individual this is just a general thing) I am just fed up with things lately and having to worry if someone is mad at me or not...this leads me to my next thing. If you are upset with me...don't want months to tell me, tell me when I piss you off so I can fix it...otherwise, NOTHING will get fixed!!! And I will do the same for you, if you upset me I will let you know...but not weeks or months later. I am not saying anyone did this, at least not anyone that reads this Xanga I don't think...but anywho, please people...if you have a problem with me, let me know don't dance around the subject. And if you don't have a problem with me, then disregard this, and if you never want to hear from me again, well block me on messengers and what not and don't pick up my phone calls, k? Sorry I'm in a kind of bitter mood its been a hard month and I am just ready for Christmas break when I can see my mom and dad and get the hell out of here and go on vacation where NO ONE can bug me or get mad at me b/c I'm on vacation and my phone is NOT going with me...did everyone get that? My phone will NOT be turned on for about a week after Christmas, so you will just have to leave me messages...just advanced warning. In any case, I have to go make dinner and work on homework...so for those of you that still care feel free to leave me comments, and for those of you who don't, well...I hope that you have a good rest of the day/week/month/year/your life

Love y'all
Tam